Personal Stuff
One of the personal goals I outlined for myself was to find
a rhythm with which to balance professional, personal, and spiritual
growth. I feel like I am finally finding
that rhythm, although it does not always look exactly how I thought it
would. Before starting this internship,
I had high hopes of being able to balance both a full-time internship and a
job, while keeping healthy, avoiding burnout, getting in shape, and, and, and…
now, I feel like I am finally getting into the groove of having enough energy
for an internship and keeping myself well, without being exhausted at the end
of many days. I know that I’ve grown at
least in some aspects: I’m not berating myself for not “being able to do it
all”. I am doing what I can, the best
that I can. And that is enough.
One thing I’ve talked to a couple of people about recently
is how I feel this weird discrepancy in my social energy. I feel like I’m always surrounded by people,
so I crave time to myself, but when I get alone time I just wish that I had
someone who I know well to spend it with.
I am constantly with people, but not people who know me deeply yet. I know this is because I just moved somewhere
completely new, and because I’m keeping pretty busy. I’m not trying to complain about it. It’s just a weird new existence for me that
I’m trying to figure out. I’ve been
blessed to have a lot of friends from St. Louis as well as family keep in touch
and check up on me; I feel like distance has not been as hard as I was afraid
it would be. It’s hard, don’t get me
wrong. But it’s manageably hard, at least for now.
My supervisor and I talked about the importance of those
relationships at our supervision meeting this week, about the importance of
close, intimate friendships in keeping emotionally healthy and maintaining good
self-care habits (another of my goals!).
She had a lot of good information about self-care, which I am grateful
for, and this week I have really appreciated how present she has been for me,
even though I know she has a million and one other important things to do.
Professional Stuff
Part of my internship involves doing several projects that
contribute to my overall education and knowledge of the profession in addition
to my clinical observation, patient care and session-leading. One of these projects is a book review. I’m supposed to choose a book, a memoir of
someone with a mental illness, and write a review as well as what I would do
for them if I had them as a patient.
Instead of just, you know, FOLLOWING THE ASSIGNMENT, I
decided it would be a good idea to read two books instead of just one. The books I chose were An Unquiet Mind: A
Memoir of Moods and Madness by Kay Redford Jamison and Madness: A Bipolar
Life by Marya Hornbacher. Both of
these women were diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but had very different
paths. I’m almost done with my book
review; I decided to get it out of the way since I’ve had some extra time this
week. I feel like this book has expanded
my knowledge about the disorder; although I have a “textbook knowledge” about
the disorder and have come in contact with individuals with bipolar disorder,
these books provided perspective about the struggles one faces when learning
about their diagnosis, undergoing treatment, and learning how to live with this
mental illness. Both authors were
impressively and humblingly vulnerable in there writing, and I was enthralled
with each one’s writing.
This week I also had the pleasure to jam with some of my
coworkers at a special event, a car show that was put on for the patients for
break week. I kept catching myself
comparing myself and feeling bad for not knowing every song or playing as well
as everyone else, but the truth is, I’m just learning. I have a lot to learn, and continuously
comparing my abilities to others’ is not getting me anywhere. I do, however, feel re-convicted to continue
broadening my musical horizons, to keep practicing and pursuing excellent
skills of my own.
Hours completed as of Friday,
August 16: 261
Hours remaining: 779
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