Week 10!

This week was the Arts Festival at the hospital.  It was an amazing day that took months to plan and lots of people to make it happen.  I’m so glad I got the experience of getting to be a part of it.  There was lots of patient art displayed and fun stuff to do, from arts and crafts to temporary tattoos to visiting bands to basketball games.  I got to spend the day playing music, listening to others share their musical talents, and connecting with people on a different level.  Having fun is so therapeutic in so many ways, and I got to know both staff and patients better through this experience.

One of the patients I’ve been working with is getting discharged soon and wants to record a song that she wrote in one of our sessions before she leaves – which is awesome, except that I feel like I’m fighting with the recording equipment we have.  I don’t claim to be tech savvy, necessarily, but I have rarely felt as technologically challenged as I have with this particular piece of equipment – every time I think I’ve figured it out, something new goes wrong! Recording is something I’d never really thought would be an issue for me, but it’s something I’m struggling to learn anyway.  At least I’m learning! I just feel like this has taken SO much more time than I thought it would.

I feel like a broken record saying that I’m getting the hang of the way things are going here because I tend to say or think it every week.  The thing is, I genuinely do feel like I get the hang of what I’m doing, and then I get new stuff to take care of and learn and get the hang of… it feels like I’m a snowball racing down a hill sometimes when I look back on it.  I can’t believe it’s been almost 3 months since I’ve been here.  

Last week, I talked about how I tend to focus on the negative aspects or the things I do wrong when reflecting on sessions.  My homework for supervision from this week was to think of 3 good things that happen throughout the week, or things I do well.  Stay tuned :) 

Hours completed: 426ish by Friday the 13^th!    

An amalgamation of thoughts - Week 9

(This was supposed to post on Saturday but somehow got stuck in my drafts)

 

This week I have been struggling with remembering that I am learning.  I am having trouble being OK with where I am now, and with the learning process; instead, I’m coming down hard on myself for not knowing how to do things now, or being fabulous at what I do compared to people who are way ahead of me and have been doing this for years.  I think that I’ve been afraid to mess up to the point that it’s affecting my ability to ask questions, and to the point that it’s made me nervous to lead.    

I have also been discouraged when I feel like clients are not “responding” to what I’ve done – which, as I was reminded this week, isn’t really a valid indicator of whether I’ve actually done well – you can do everything right here and lead an amazing session, and sometimes that won’t seem to make any difference.  Remembering this will hopefully help my confidence when I’m not getting any feedback from group members.

One topic I’ve been reflecting on the delicate balance of being real and genuine while maintaining proper boundaries, of treating the clients here as the unique human beings they are without crossing any lines or losing authority.  This topic has come up a couple of times, not in relation to anything that has happened with me or since I’ve been here but just in general, and it has reminded me to constantly be mindful of this issue.  I know this is brought up in school and in trainings and things, but it has been interesting to watch and listen to interactions between staff and patients – sometimes seeing therapeutic qualities of staff which I’d like to imitate, and other times knowing what I want to avoid replicating.

Even though this was a short week, I feel way more tired than I have previously and am starting to feel emotionally fried.  This might be due to a number of factors, but I’m hoping that a little R&R will be what I need and that I’ll get that.

Some things I’d like to do well for this coming week:

• Preparation for groups
• Taking care of myself – avoid more tiredness, emotional exhaustion, etc.
• Confidence, confidence, confidence – tied in with not beating myself up for not being an AMAZING MUSIC THERAPIST when I’m still learning. 

 To close, here's another blog I enjoyed reading this week: 73 Things I Wish I'd Known as a New Therapist.  Numbers 23&24, 42&43, and 72&73 are especially pertinent to this post. Enjoy :) 

Hours completed as of Friday, September 6^th: 378 1/3

Two months down!

The past couple of weeks have been the first two of a new term of groups at the hospital.  I've  begun co-leading and even leading some of my groups.  It's been easier than I expected this week.  The first week of term was pretty nerve-wracking, even though I had been here several weeks; it felt like a big step to start taking authority in groups instead of assisting the therapist in charge or observing.  But this second week felt more comfortable.  It has still felt busy - but not bad busy.  I feel like I'm getting more into the "meat" of my internship, and I'm just starting to delve in.

I feel like I'm getting to know patients better, as well as staff.  Getting to work with a variety of different music therapy styles and techniques has been interesting and informative.  Working with a lot of different diagnoses and functioning levels in a variety of group styles has been good too.  This past week I got to have my first individual experience with a client here.  She is hopefully moving out of the hospital into a group home and wanted to write a song before she left.  We sat down and worked together on the song, and I was really impressed with the insight she had into her issues and hospitalization.  It was an ideal first session, and definitely a good reminder of why we're doing this. 

Although in some ways this past week felt productive, I also felt some pressure to make decisions.  I had to decide on a "special project", a case study, and a few other things that will determine a lot what I work on for the rest of internship.  More on that next time.  

As a side note - I also started applying for part-time, weekend jobs this past week.  Wish me luck! 

344 hours completed as of Friday, August 30th (696 to go)