An amalgamation of thoughts - Week 9

(This was supposed to post on Saturday but somehow got stuck in my drafts)

 

This week I have been struggling with remembering that I am learning.  I am having trouble being OK with where I am now, and with the learning process; instead, I’m coming down hard on myself for not knowing how to do things now, or being fabulous at what I do compared to people who are way ahead of me and have been doing this for years.  I think that I’ve been afraid to mess up to the point that it’s affecting my ability to ask questions, and to the point that it’s made me nervous to lead.    

I have also been discouraged when I feel like clients are not “responding” to what I’ve done – which, as I was reminded this week, isn’t really a valid indicator of whether I’ve actually done well – you can do everything right here and lead an amazing session, and sometimes that won’t seem to make any difference.  Remembering this will hopefully help my confidence when I’m not getting any feedback from group members.

One topic I’ve been reflecting on the delicate balance of being real and genuine while maintaining proper boundaries, of treating the clients here as the unique human beings they are without crossing any lines or losing authority.  This topic has come up a couple of times, not in relation to anything that has happened with me or since I’ve been here but just in general, and it has reminded me to constantly be mindful of this issue.  I know this is brought up in school and in trainings and things, but it has been interesting to watch and listen to interactions between staff and patients – sometimes seeing therapeutic qualities of staff which I’d like to imitate, and other times knowing what I want to avoid replicating.

Even though this was a short week, I feel way more tired than I have previously and am starting to feel emotionally fried.  This might be due to a number of factors, but I’m hoping that a little R&R will be what I need and that I’ll get that.

Some things I’d like to do well for this coming week:

• Preparation for groups
• Taking care of myself – avoid more tiredness, emotional exhaustion, etc.
• Confidence, confidence, confidence – tied in with not beating myself up for not being an AMAZING MUSIC THERAPIST when I’m still learning. 

 To close, here's another blog I enjoyed reading this week: 73 Things I Wish I'd Known as a New Therapist.  Numbers 23&24, 42&43, and 72&73 are especially pertinent to this post. Enjoy :) 

Hours completed as of Friday, September 6^th: 378 1/3